Sponsored by the Sumpter Valley Blue Mountain Snowmobile Club
As reported by LeAnne Woolf……..
As part of Sumpter’s Poker Run festivities on Feb 16, Sumpter’s 1st Annual Outhouse Contest, Races, & Performances (OCR&P) were held on Sat afternoon. Five outhouses were entered: NASA, High Fire Danger, Ol’ Yeller, Canucopia, and NBC. Canucopia, “Smells as Sweet as Roses,” a pale sky-blue structure adorned with both painted and silk flowers, was voted favorite outhouse and received a trophy and $25, both were provided by the Sumpter Valley Blue Mountain Snowmobile Club.
Each team was made up of an outhouse, two pushers, and a seat-sitter. The racing track was a loosely packed half block of run on either side of Centre Street from Sumter St (yes, that’s how they’re spelled on the plat) to the alley between Sumter and Granite and back again. The tight turn around the cone at the alley end was where the most entrancing performances occurred and the lives of many seat-sitters flashed before their eyes. Happily, some seat-sitters were provided with both helmet and toilet paper. Other death-defying performances happened in the deep snow to the outside of the track, usually when one pusher pushed harder than the other pusher, pushing pokey pusher into patella-deep plush, er, slush.
Spectators could scarcely contain themselves. So after entrants had run the track with their outhouses, random teams of spectators commandeered outhouses to post times. Footwear traction ranged from golf cleats to snow boots to sneakers. Advice was piled deep on later pushers, and they bore down with great effort.
Team Steep n Deep–pushers Megan Stowell and Chase Tanner, seat-sitter Annie Rudd, and coach, Braden Tanner, running alongside–placed 3rd with a time of 1:27. They received a trophy and $50 donated by Tasha’s Treasures, represented by Tasha Clarke. Second place, with a time of 1:22, went to Team Over the Hill–pushers Kurt Clarke and Lee German, seat-sitter Tasha Clarke. Their trophy came with $75 donated by Homestead Realty, owner Michaelle Clarke. Team Donikers posted a very fast 1:16.5 to take first, a trophy, and $100–donated by Clarke Construction, owner Cary Clarke–to be split amongst pushers Shasta Moser, Matt Moser, and seat-sitter Eric Rasmussen.
The women’s division was made up of two teams of spectators, aged 50 to 74. One lady on each team wore a 3/4 length skirt. Ultimately, though, it was the sock-monkey hat of seat-sitter Toni Donaldson of the Privy Princesses that made all the difference as pushers Diane Miller and LeAnne Woolf careened across the finish line with her in Ol’ Yeller and into a nearby outhouse in a time of 2:22. Their trophy was accompanied by a $100 prize gathered from spectators and Snowmobile Club members who really wanted to see old broads pushing outhouses.
The OCR&P Committee was chaired by Myrna Clarke, who also served as emcee for the event. Trophies from the Snowmobile Club were designed and lovingly handcrafted by Toni Thompson and Kurt Clarke with highest possible skill sets, as they both were instructed at the Billybob School in Tools (BSiT).
Mutterings are already under way for how outhouses will be better next year. Oh, and how all pushers will be in so much better shape. In the meantime, however, all-terrain outhouses are looking to be tested during the 4th of July Flea Market (July 5-8), perhaps in combination with bed races. Imagine pulling on your onesie, settling down for a hair-raising nap across rough ground, struggling out of your onesie, grabbing your giant toothbrush, and heading for the outhouse to retrace your adventurous route.
To volunteer to help out with July’s or Feb 2014′s races and/or to pre-register, contact Myrna Clarke (firstname.lastname@example.org). Outhouse specs are online at www.sumpter.org. Bed race information will be sto–, that is, gathered from Baker County Chamber of Commerce as soon as possible.